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  1. #1
    Salty Slippery Speckled Trout Salty Dawg's Avatar
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    Pick your favorite

    A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
    "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
    The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
    The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
    After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

    She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

    ===
    A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next check-up, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

    "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
    "Yes, they help me sleep at night."
    "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep
    She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

    You gotta love Grandmas!
    ===

    A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
    Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

    A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

    ===

    Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

    1) It is perfect formula for the child.
    2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
    3) It is always the right temperature.
    4) It is inexpensive.
    5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
    6) It is always available as needed.

    And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
    7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

    He got an A.

    ===

    An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
    "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
    "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Then one-a day you gonna comea home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "

    ===
    Vietnam Vet ..... and damn proud of it!




    MY WORST FEAR......THAT WHEN I DIE MY WIFE WILL SELL ALL MY BOATS & FISHING GEAR FOR WHAT I TOLD HER I PAID FOR IT.......

    I may not always agree with what you say,
    but I will always respect your right to be wrong!


    1956 15' Alumacraft with F20 Yamaha (sold)
    2003 17' Sea Hunt with 115 Yamaha
    1975 Aquasport 22-2 (Restored and sold)
    1984 Chris Craft Scorpion 212 With 150HPDI Yamaha
    1977 John Dory converted into a flats skiff

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  3. #2
    Rambling Redfish redfish's Avatar
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    I like all of them But I guess If I had to Pick Just One I Would Have to Agree that The Kid Got a A
    As Long as your Having fun Fishing,, Then Catching a Fish Is Just One Hell Of a Great Bonus!! Dwayne

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  5. #3
    Rambling Redfish welder's Avatar
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    I'm still on the bus
    Lester



    Alloy cuz I don't like to wax...

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  7. #4
    Rambling Redfish redfish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by welder View Post
    I'm still on the bus

    Really
    Go Figure!!!!
    As Long as your Having fun Fishing,, Then Catching a Fish Is Just One Hell Of a Great Bonus!! Dwayne

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  9. #5
    Rambling Redfish fish baiter's Avatar
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    Love them all.....but i gotta go with "times up"
    I'm a realtor in Pensacola. Need to buy or sell A home or property??? contact me and lets make it happen!!!
    I am an expert in foreclosures and short sales and foreclosures and have a very high success rate!!

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